I am not the world champion of blogging. I know people who not only blog every day, but sometimes several times a day. It's as though they are convinced that every thought they have is something the world cannot live without knowing. In my younger days, I would blurt out whatever I felt like saying and I drove people bonkers. Now, it takes me days, weeks, months and even years to sort out my thoughts and make them worth thinking.
I am not sure if anyone reading this will think it is any great revelation of understanding, but this is one of those times when I feel like writing out what I am thinking as I experience this phase of my life.
I call this my restoration phase.
Biblically speaking, a "week" is seven years (check out Rachel and Leah). In my process of healing and desperately needing some changes in my physical being, I emphatically told God, "I need a breakthrough and I need it THIS WEEK!" He was slient for a while and then quietly said, "This week is coming to an end." That's right up there with, "The sun will rise in the morning." But the thought did not go away, so I asked Him to tell me what He was telling me. That's when I went to Strong's concordance and found God's definition of "week" that He was using in my current life scenario. He had me backtrack the "weeks" of my life to when I was 13. I thought about each "week" and what I was experiencing at that time. Quite interesting to say the least. I counted the "weeks" and realized I am in the 49th year and the "week" I am now in ends this year! What comes after the 49th year? Jubilee!
Okay, now I am listening, God.
I have been going through years of assault against my body - four auto accidents (okay, one was my fault...), a terrible surgery experience with the removal of a lung tumor that took me years to fully recover from, and most recently, breast cancer. In the mix of all of this, my life-long sleeping difficulty exploded into full blown insomnia which has not yet been healed. Throw in a couple of allergic reactions here and there, a lumbar scoliosis as a result of one of the accidents, and I have a body with scars and weaknesses and I don't like it one bit. Oh yeah, and a couple of surgeries and a near drowning when I was younger. (Friends thought I could swim and pushed me in. They had to pull me out. While I was in the water, I thought, "This is it", and I let myself go to die and began to sink, feeling quite at peace. God had other plans and I never even got water in my lungs.)
But, this is today. I have healed in body and soul except for the insomnia. And I have been very frustrated about losing the weight I gained by taking the sleeping med, and then giving in to the sugar cravings caused by the med and the lack of quality sleep. I have continued to receive prayer from the faithful intercessors and prayer warriors at the Healing Center and other trusted friends. God has healed so much in me, I know He can heal this.
I have been listening to Arthur Burk's CD teaching on Leviathan this past week and strength has come into my thinking. We love to go to people to pray for us to essentially remove the consequences of violating God's principles. This keeps us from being accountable for our actions. This is not a good use of the authority we have in the Name of Jesus! The "eyes of my understanding" have gradually become enlightened through such teachings as this and also things the people who have been praying for me have received in prayer concerning me.
For the first time in years, I feel strong enough to obey the wisdom of God in His design of me. I want to be "like everyone else", but I have to be who God created me to be whether I "fit in" with those around me or not. This pertains to my health habits as well as my morality, relationship with God, finances, etc. The Holy Spirit has revealed the roots of some of my major attitudes about myself and others and I have done a lot of that thing called "repentance" (which, by the way, is only effective when done through the power of Jesus' blood).
One of my major hobbies is my cooking/baking. I have no one to cook for since I live alone, so when I try a new recipe (which I LOVE doing!), I have to find someone to give it to or to invite over for dinner or tea after I have done my tasting. I struggle with this, thinking that if I am going to discipline myself to cooperate with God's healing in my body, I should NEVER eat sugar or fat or carbs again! That old "all or nothing" attitude (which really stinks, by the way). As I have been talking to God about this, He has helped me to understand that disciplining myself comes out of my soul and ultimately doesn't accomplish much, but responding to His discipline comes out of my spirit and is much more effective (self-control is a fruit of the Spirit). I listen to His voice and then I respond to it out of my love for Him. Takes a lot of the pressure to perform and "be good" out of the process.
I want to live what I call the "fasted lifestyle", but I balk against the word "fast". One day the Lord told me that true fasting is not deprivation, but the removal of excess. Okay, I want that! The fasted lifestyle is living in Him, listening to Him, responding to Him. It is allowing Him to work deeply in our hearts to reveal the hindrances that are keeping us from living out the life of Christ in this world.
Bottom line: He heals us and restores us for His glory and to strengthen us, enabling us to establish His kingdom on this earth to prepare for His return!
Now, that is what I call restoration of health!!